mental-health

Seek Discomfort

/ Journeyman / Leave a comment

‘Seek Discomfort’ is what the print on the t-shirt said.  ‘You found it!’ is what I thought to myself.  The young lady was clearly adept at navigating air travel.  After decades of work and vacation-related flying, there’s something about commercial air travel that unsettles me.  I find it less than comfortable.  It doesn’t matter if I’m flying to Chicago or Tirana.  The bustle and crowds of the airports, the intrusiveness of TSA, the lines, and the cramped quarters on the plane contribute to my growing disaffection for the process.  It’s often the only practical way to do things, but I wish it weren’t.  (Don’t misunderstand me, I love aviation, but loathe airports – I’ll write bit on that, another day).    

After a bit of contemplation (and while I grabbed my own roll-aboard from the overhead and made my way down the too-narrow aisle) I realized that the slogan might have a deeper meaning.  So often we seek comfort first.  We make sure we live lives that are soft and as easy as possible.  ‘Convenience Culture’ is the term that is popular now.  Think Amazon, Door Dash and other forms of instant home delivery.  Covid amplified the emotional forces that often want us to stay on the couch.  And capitalism, as it so often does, caters to demand.  

We can contrast that to my friend Travis.  Travis seeks discomfort.  He’s part of the movement (there are a few other adherents in my circle of friends and acquaintances) that embraces ‘Cold Plunge’.  Yep, think of immersing yourself in water, as cold as 39F as a way to easy sore muscles, enhance focus, lower your core body temperature (voluntary hypothermia!), and decrease inflammation.  I’ve also recently (re)embraced discomfort in the form of gym exercise and workouts.  I have had seasons (not enough of them) where I’ve embraced exercise culture.  Sore muscles and other various forms of discomfort do lead to greater strength and fitness, which is what brings me to the idea of embracing the notion of ‘Seek Discomfort’.  

When we are too comfortable, we are not more resilient.  When life is too convenient we are not more creative or courageous.  We are just more dependent.  And not on those we love or care about.  Interdependence, the notion that we mutually build into the lives of our friends and loved ones, is vital.  Being unnecessarily dependent on comfort and convenience might kill you or at least make you miserable.  Perhaps this is part of the attraction of camping.  Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.  It’s less comfortable than our normal lives.  But it gets us closer to the natural world (yes, even the glampers with the 40’ fifth-wheel).  I enjoy camping.   

On some level, I’m going to seek more challenge.  I will absolutely enjoy a certain amount of comfort and convenience (I enjoy the heated seat in my car, for example), but I’m also going to embrace some practices that challenge my affection for convenience. Maybe then I won’t be so grumpy about having to sit in a center seat, at the back of airplane, late in the evening, when all I want is to be home with my love.  Not sure about that cold plunge though…

Curating

/ Journeyman / Leave a comment

Over the last few years I’ve begun to curate my social media and content feeds so that I bypass the bulk of the negative, triggering posts and materials.  That’s not to say that I’ve created an echo chamber that caters only to my worldview, but I’ve intentionally started weeding out messaging designed to provoke a response.  So what’s the difference?

Most objective observers of culture would agree that media has (d)evolved.  There was once only a handful of same-story outlets for ‘facts’, ideas and beliefs.  The Internet has created a fabric of sites, feeds, and streams that anyone can contribute to.  This is good (sort of).  Having power over the outlets for information and ideas concentrated in the hands of a few was never a great thing.  There was zero innovation and zero diversity of thought.  But what we have now may not be better. 

Social media and news sites are a cacophony of blaring voices.  Media and journalism appear to have abandoned any sense of balance and objectivity.  It’s all about narrative, and the bias is not the least bit hidden.  Click-bait headlines are designed specifically to elicit an emotional response (and drive ad revenue).  Provocation, not information, is the new goal.  And I’m not sure we even have a diversity of thinking.  What we call ‘news’ is the same reflexive ‘follow-the scoop’ or ‘amplify the narrative’ sort of thing we got from the NBC nightly news or 60 Minutes.  

If the new way of things isn’t really different, why is the Internet realm different?  Because we now have millions of shrill voices from the extremes of culture, anyone with anything moderate or reasonable to say gets cancelled by one side or the other.  There are still no balanced viewpoints and even less civil conversation.  Everything is a moral imperative, and if you disagree (from either side), you are ‘the problem’.

So far, this all sounds pretty bad, right?  It doesn’t have to be.  I’ve muted the blaring voices (even amongst my friends).  On social media, it’s simply a click.  In person, it’s as simple as pointing out that there are two sides to every issue, and in most cases, they are both partly to blame for the problem and neither has a corner on the truth.  I haven’t watched TV news in 20 years.  I don’t have to participate in the news/hype cycle.  

Online, as in life, balanced perspective is key.  I had to learn to see things for what they are, not what everyone is all upset about and claiming they are.  If I got wound up about every issue that someone says is an existential threat to humanity or society, I’d be exhausted.  And a lot of people are exhausted.  I like to be informed.  But about real facts.  Not hyperbole and not emotional screaming.  Narratives are like bodily functions.  Everybody has them, and they’re typically not shared well.

As the world moves on (and it will), I hope we all learn that holding our virtual hands over our ears and screaming isn’t how we make the world a better place.  Following those who would constantly stimulate our adrenal glands won’t make your life (or anyone else’s) better.  Regurgitating talk radio (am I dating myself?) or podcast feeds about ‘what’s wrong with the world’ won’t endear you to anyone who isn’t wed to the same narratives.  We need to see the world through better eyes and listen with more compassion.  

Book Review – Good Anxiety: Harnessing the Power of the Most Misunderstood Emotion, by Dr. Wendy Suzuki

/ Journeyman / Leave a comment

I’ve run into Dr. Suzuki’s videos on the Ted channel multiple times. My own journey through mental and emotional well-being drew me to her presentations on how the brain works. This book appealed because I have struggled with anxiety from time-to-time. Thankfully it’s not a permanent/chronic thing for me, but I know more than a few people that it is a nearly constant issue for. It led me to want to understand it more and Dr. Suzuki’s take on the subject was refreshing.

Listen to Dr. Suzuki talk about anxiety and her book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNKApPrhlew

I have to start this review off by saying I am a nerd. Academic things are interesting to me. But there are a LOT of practical applications here, not just material to feed my inner dork. It turns out there a lot of things I hadn’t thought of.

The first big idea was that anxiety isn’t just a debilitating or irritating malfunction of our brain. It serves a purpose. It is a natural response to stress and pressure. It can actually be helpful if we recognize it for what it is, harness the energy and focus it on positive things. For anyone that lives with terrible chronic anxiety this probably seems like little comfort, but for me it was a bit of a revelation. It’s the tension that helps some of us get motivated.

Dr. Suzuki shares that the flip-side of anxiety can be a superpower. If we learn to recognize and channel anxiety it can help:

Increase productivity

Boost performance

Sharpen Focus

Increase empathy

I think this last point is important. We risk becoming callous if we feel like we are immune to a particular mental or emotional condition. My own episodes of depression have made me so much more empathic for people with similar struggles. If you’ve endured seasons of anxiety, it helps you understand others and motivates you to support those in similar circumstances.

But on to the key point of rewiring our response to anxiety; Dr. Suzuki reminds us that our brains are pliable, even well into adulthood, although not so much as when we are young children. This is evident in people who have had mild strokes. It is very possible for them, with proper therapy, to learn and re-wire their brains to compensate for the stroke damage. I saw this in my own father. This flexibility, called Neuro Plasticity means we can rewire our responses to anxiety and use it to our advantage. We need to have an Activist Mindset, meaning we take an active role in our approach to dealing with anxiety and rely on our cognitive flexibility to effect change.

Of course change is often slow and comes in small increments, but by focusing on our response to stress and anxiety it’s possible make use of that energy, rather than letting it hurt us.

Overall, I’ve found this book very interesting and helpful in its perspective. Putting these concepts into practice, of course, takes effort and reinforcement, but it’s worth it. If you suffer from severe, debilitating anxiety, a book won’t be enough. Please seek profession counsel, advice and even medication if it’s indicated. We’re not meant to go through life immersed in stress and anxiety.

Perspective

/ Journeyman / Leave a comment

As I prepared to write this, I asked my new friend, ChatGPT, to give me the definition of ‘Perspective’. I got three answers (the 4o model seems more verbose than it’s predecessors) and this was one of them:

Mental Viewpoint:
Perspective is a particular attitude or way of thinking about something, often shaped by experience, culture, or context. For example, “From her perspective, the decision made sense.”

Then I asked for an image that represented the same. I’m not sure I completely understand the AI perspective on ‘Perspective’, but it is an interesting image.

Not unlike AI though, our minds and spirits (the part of us that lives in the earth suit of our bodies) is programmed, intentionally or otherwise. Part of the definition of ‘Perspective’ that says we are shaped by our culture and context. I would absolutely agree with that. Much of who I am as a person was shaped by my family and other life experiences. But what I didn’t figure out until much later in life was that you can intentionally shape your own perspective by curating your life. By this I mean by intentionally choosing things like:

  • Your daily practices and habits
  • Your friend group
  • Your work cadence and approach
  • Your social media and news feeds (or choosing not to have any)
  • How you treat other people
  • Your sense of gratitude

The great news is that all or at least most of this stuff is under your control. You just have to take that control. You may live in difficult circumstances, but that doesn’t have to mean that you are miserable. I have been acquainted with wealthy people, with every material comfort and blessing you could want, who are still deeply unhappy. I also have met children in the hills of Mexico, living in shacks without running water, who still play and laugh and enjoy their lives. Parking up in a yacht basin in the Caribbean won’t automatically make you happy, and waking up in an impoverished pueblo in Mexico won’t automatically make you weep.

For an even more stark example; the psychiatrist Victor Frankl was a prisoner in a concentration camp during WWII, living in the most appalling situation you can probably imagine. In the midst of this horror, Frankl concluded that that the primary human drive is not pleasure or power, but the pursuit of meaning. I visited the remains of the concentration camp at Dachau once. The still-palpable sense of darkness and heaviness is on that place, which the Germans have partially preserved as a stark reminder of that awful time in their history. Most of the barracks buildings are gone, and there is a beautiful memorial, but it’s still stark and foreboding. How could Frankl find that search for meaning when he faced this?

I would submit that he was able to do this through his perspective, or his control of it. To learn more, read ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’.

Another inspirational person from this time is Corrie Ten Boom. She was a Dutch watchmaker who helped Jewish people escape the holocaust before she and her family were swept up by the Nazis and sent to a concentration camp. She relied on her deep Christian faith to provide her perspective and sustain her through her ordeal. This is the approach I seek to rely on today to inform my perspective and guide me through my life. Read more about Corrie Ten Boom in her book ‘The Hiding Place’.

Memorial at Dachau – Photo by Author

No two of us has the exact same perspective, based on our life experience and context. We don’t get to choose where we come from. But we can control our perspective and outlook and how we choose to see and engage with the future. Having faith or a relationship with God, following positive practices, and choosing our responses can change everything. The good news is that the choice is in our hands and costs us nothing but focus and being intentional.